My daughter was having
a dance thing at her school.
They had this big dance.
Anyway, we all went,
all the parents,
And everybody's there,
and everybody's got their phone,
Every single parent.
It was an amazing thing to watch
'cause kids are dancing
And every parent
is standing there like this.
Every single person
was blocking their vision
Of their actual child
with their phone, and the kids —
I went over by the stage
and the kids —
There's people holding ipads
in front of their faces.
It looked like we're all in
the witness protection program.
Like, the kids can't see
their parents,
And everybody's watching
a shitty movie
Of something
that's happening ten feet —
Like, look at your fucking kid.
The resolution on the kid is
unbelievable if you just look.
It's totally hd.
Why are you taping this?
You're never gonna watch it.
In a million years,
you're not gonna watch videos
Of your kids doing shit
you missed
The first time it happened.
You don't watch it.
You just put it on facebook.
"here, you watch it.
I wanna take a nap now."
And then you get to read
all the comments.
"oh, my god!
"it's so cute!
Ngaah!"
And guess what?
They're not watching it, either.
They're not watching the video.
These kids are dancing
for no one.
Nobody watches the videos
on your facebook.
They see the first frame
of a kid and they go,
"oh, that's very nice.
Ok. Back to this."
Nobody's watching your kids'
videos on facebook,
I promise you.
I'll prove it to you.
Next time you tape
your kid's dance,
Tape one second of it
and then add
20 minutes
of just your own asshole.
Just go in the bathroom
and just record your own anus
Opening and closing
for 20 minutes.
Tack it onto your kid dancing
for a second.
Put that on facebook.
Everybody will write
the same thing.
"that's adorable!
I think I see a future star!"
